They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
