You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
