Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
