sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
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In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
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This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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