Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize