I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
