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OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Randomize
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