Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
It's rum buckets o'clock
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"