I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!