I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
We are two peas in an std pod
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.