dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
should my penis look like a turkey
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
