A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
It can also be a hat.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"