So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?