If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
