plz talk dirty to me
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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