She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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