is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
The convent might be a nice break from real life
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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