apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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