I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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