He is such a slut. More and more my type.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
