you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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