She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
