i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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