This is not my ceiling
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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