five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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