..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
