I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
