I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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