And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
