You can't motorboat a personality
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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