I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
