he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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