I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
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For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
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I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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