I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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