YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
A+ Viking dick
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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