update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
