Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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