home. puking in laundry basket.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
