She is in my trunk
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
