i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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