yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
