Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
