I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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