There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
