So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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