Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
The power of my boobs compel you
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
