Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
