new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
