I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize