Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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