I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
