Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
