4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
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