I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
