trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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