Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
