i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
