using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
