i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
