mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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