I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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