turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
