u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
