Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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