Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
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He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
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No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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