Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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