I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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