in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
