my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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