Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
