Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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