I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
