Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize