so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
