You're completely useless in the revolution.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
