Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
