Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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