Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
