:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize