i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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