what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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