He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
