Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
