i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
