Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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