god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
These tits shall not be calmed
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
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