i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Randomize
