hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
