i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
