what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
