your thong is hanging out like whoa
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
So many bounce houses so little time
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
