How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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