it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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