My cat gives me a boner
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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