Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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