its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm both gender and math confused
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
